remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
