Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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