Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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