? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
