Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
