Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
