This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
