How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
