Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
