the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
