Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
