Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
