i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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