you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
