i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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