omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
