what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
