last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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