If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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