Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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