I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
