Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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