My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
