I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
