I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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