fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
