I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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