And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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