Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
