Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
