Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
