my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
