You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
