I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
home. puking in laundry basket.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
