Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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