and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
not ubering you a puppy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
