That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
