Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
