So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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