Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
