god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
