I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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