I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
