Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
