Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
