Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I currently don't understand fingers.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
