i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
