So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
