Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
