Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
