Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
