I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
