I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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