dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
