If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
