I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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