If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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