Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
