I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
