we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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