come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
