): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You are a genius and a whore.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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