My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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