Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
