if i can run in heels then i can drive
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
