What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
